KAIMA - JP Learning Live Stream

Do the impossible, see the invisible…

So I originally intended to make a experimental channel that combines my love for the idea of ninjas with an emphasis on introspection. The kanji used for the name KAIMA creates the meaning regret demon with it being showcased from a mask I bought online to give myself a physical mask for the persona. What I wanted to do was make videos that focused on introspecting on the things that seem mundane on the surface, for example the idea of why spend time going to an anime convention or what is truly stopping me from achieving the dreams I chase. Exploring these topics while using the KAIMA persona to guide myself and others to the silent truth to things and what actions are required to work towards the solutions.

However, as you can see from the description above, I started getting to a point of overthinking and not actually attempting to make something out of my plans. While I have now made the channel focused on my struggle towards learning Japanese, the core principle of what I wanted the channel to challenge remains: to challenge (my own) mediocrity and my own limiting beliefs.

I am held back by a certain mindset, the acceptance of comfort, which has prevented me from making anything of undeniable impact. I questioned if this was due to my inherent laziness I’ve developed over the years, but in reality, I was avoiding doing the truly difficult things for my own life context. Yes, I have indeed done some things that don’t seem that valuable, but are immense value to myself in terms of highlighting my own personal self development. Some of the most rare moments that occurred on weebcloset, the Marie video essay, L-file Usogui Database website, etc. All of these show just how much potential I have.

But that’s just it, I feel like I have so much potential, yet not able to truly reach the limits of it. I have developed an understanding recently this past year that this was the inherent trap I was repeatedly finding myself in, the need to view myself as having infinite potential and not appreciating the fact I have already applied myself with those said projects. It’s similar to learning Japanese or really anything for that matter: in the moment it doesn’t seem like you’re really learning but in hindsight you will find that those moments of struggle is what made all the difference.

What I am trying to say is that the truly difficult things that I should focus on are the things that challenge not just my skills and knowledge, but rather my mindset and for lack of a better term, my soul. This means that in order to become someone who truly is built different, I have to take action against what I perceive is impossible; to basically spend each moment of my life struggling towards my dreams without getting all caught up in the dreaming phase.

That’s why I’ve started to simply start live streaming my Japanese learning. Sure, it is counter-intuitive to my goal of learning Japanese effectively (having to also entertain and be influenced by chat), but if it’s what will get me to spend time on the actual struggle: then by all means I will use it to my advantage.