True silence
Scene: Rain confronts true silence (sensory deprivation tank)
Possible context: This scene takes place within the sensory deprivation prison where both Rain and Roxana are held. The situation is grim as the recent betrayal from Vesper has blindsided them leaving Roxana physically paralyzed and Rain guilty for not being able to see the betrayal?
As a result of having no senses to take any input from, Rain confronts his very core being.
You know the one thing I’ve avoided doing in my life that I know would help me in the long term? It’s meditation. Something about the very act of sitting still and quieting all your thoughts seemed very pointless to me. After having so much dopamine injected into my brain via the very techno societal world I am in, I found it a luxury that I never allowed myself to have. In some ways, I have sat with at least silence, but never in such an intentional way that ignored all sense of reality.
Well, I don’t have any sense of reality… now.
Time simply became a word I “knew” rather than a concept I experienced. Gravity turned into just an idea of the silent presence that kept me grounded. Light shifted into a desperate need as I kept trying to fill my mind with some semblance of thought.
The dark gave nothing for my mind to hold.
…
My eyes jolt open as I find myself in an empty white landscape. A room of sorts, except one that has no obvious corners or walls. A void.
My mouth opens wildly as if I was messing around with my mouth. An eerie silence follows as I realize my attempts to reach outwards were met without a single response from even the existence around me.
I am truly alone.
The fuck?
I felt a sudden grasp from the back of my foot. I jolted my neck towards the culprit of this surprise… a frail, grasping arm holding onto my leg.
My body couldn’t escape its grasp despite its grip being no longer than a stretched rope.
My mind pleaded for my body to move, yet, it seems as though it was a rental that I ran out of time on - it shut down just when I needed it the most.
As if the word despair was just a prelude of something much more terrible, a familiar face appeared to relieve me of the unknown entity that would not let go… it was me.
Disappointed. A sharp glare that pulled my focus towards the hostile frown that oozed aggression without effort.
I was reminded of the weight I had always had on, but never fully addressed. A sort of feeling you get when a watch wraps your wrist in an exact and particular way.
Yet, the me that I was facing was precise in its silent, piercing remark was clear: I was never enough.
I wanted to object; I wanted to scream. Every part of me rejected the self in front of me. But the words couldn’t find themselves towards my mouth.
My replica rose from the blinding floor. A thorough contradiction of everything I was. His grip disappearing didn’t relieve me of his grip on my mind.
A faint sheen in his hair. A pair of square glasses, definitely more refined than whatever I could realistically imagine. A slight but almost refined stubble, as if he designed the look himself. The loosely hanging tie seemed to remind me who he was, even before the dark grey business suit finished materializing around him.
“Really? This was the best you could come up with?” - as his eyes tightened, scanning the rest of my body.
“All of this privilege… and for what? So you could scurry around like a rat and call it meaning?"
He’s wrong. I know he’s wrong. I wish I could simply reveal everything that led me to this point, but as I loaded the thought into my brain to fire, he faded without anticipation.
Coward.
What right does he have to talk about my life? You have no idea who the hell I am. A rat? You’re the one in the race. The people I worked with felt like husks to me whenever I brought up the idea of what their dream was. It was always mundane and almost a joke they liked telling. It sickened me to my core, yet I tolerated it cause I felt they were what I appeared to be if I didn’t open my mouth.